Hlogi's Word's Understanding Relationships today

(Continuation) 

Step one: Love

Love is the most important factor of all kinds of relationships. In our generation, we have developed a fear of not being loved therefore we just give ourselves without knowing what are the intentions of the other person with us. Self-esteem plays a vital role under this subtitle because without understanding who you are and where you stand with yourself people will always play around with and take you for advantage. Before we get in a relationship or before we plan to love someone we need to understand who we are, and how much we are worth to ourselves and family. Sometimes as people we sell ourselves cheap not thinking about ourselves and our families. 

Love is defined as “an intense feeling of deep affection and fondness for a person or thing; great liking” (Tulloch, 906, 1993) and it is good to fall in love with someone it is never wrong but the problem with the 21st century love is that it comes with conditions and sometimes both woman and man fall for those conditions. 

South Africa has portrayed this view of man taking advantage of women by saying that when one gets in a relationship they struggle because they have to make sure that men are more satisfied in sex but they never look at what woman do to man, many men are forced into marriage and commitment when they were not even ready. Both male and female have needs, a typical mans need might be sex but a man with a vision requires only marriage and children along with a good Job. What about a woman, a typical woman needs to get married even if it means her giving you all the sex that you want she tries to draw you into commitment because she wants to marry, a woman with a vision requires a man who is above her standards means if she earns R60 000 the future husband should earn R100 000 even more. Men have always been seen as hypocrites but as we have noticed both men and women have needs and they would do their best to get what they want.

It is imperative for us to chase after love than needs. If you do not love the person then why get in a relationship with them. Love plays a vital role in life because if you marry the person that you do not love then what about your children? What about your happiness? Do we actually believe what the old cultures used to believe about marrying now and love will come after? We listen to songs that say opposite attract like magnet and we think that’s how it is going to happen with us. Friends let me warn you, we are not like a magnet where opposites attract, but were human where opposites kill each other. 

Step two: Relationship

The wonderful thing about relationships is that they have passed the love stage. I find it imperative thing for a couple to decide where to go from here, when they now know where they stand with each other. Love being an important factor of a couple, after understanding that they are in love and they want to grow even more with their love, they now take it to another level whereby they get in a serious relationship which Sara Tulloch contends “Relationship is an emotional association between two people” (1293, 1993). 

An emotional association between two people can be in dating or marriage, relationships does not necessarily mean young two people dating, yet it means two people connected in emotions. Being in a relationship is a wonderful thing because that is where many get married or renew their vows.

Our issues today are that we think when we are dating that is the only time when we are supposed to have fun and fun is a relationship. We also think that when we are married and we do not have enough fun, we are safe because fun things like movies and small walks are for people in a relationship (young couple not married), which is a wrong thought. There is no spiritual definition of relationship because relationship is relationship. We should have fun and take walks like we used too, and go to movies like we used too because being married does not mean you should not have fun. We need to understand that when we stop and say were not in a relationship we mean to say we do not love each other anymore.

In South Africa, we have a lot to say about relationship because of our history. According to history when black people stood up and started fighting against apartheid some of the people fighting against apartheid were white. If it was not by a white president who came to his senses and took Nelson Mandela out of prison and allowed black people to vote where would we be? Standing together back in those days, white or black, rich and poor showed that we had a relationship and our relationship started because we have a common goal to stop apartheid. We have more to say about relationship than many other countries because we were relational in spite of colour.

In a relationship, the most important thing that connects us is love. Since then we have that connection, let us then pursue a new path it may be dating or marriage. Relationship is a good thing but for mature people who were connected by a common goal which is love. I tell you the truth, if your relationship is connected by the power of love even though finances become an issue you will grow from it, whatever one will do he/she will do it for the other.

Step three: Sex

So many people have different views when it comes to sex and sometimes it is exciting to hear them. Many religions have a huge amount of laws against sex before marriage which is a good thing, some religions do not care. I have travelled around and met new friends who have different views and being a black writer it makes it fun for me to sit there and listen. I have learned that if a woman is not ready then the man should wait, but if a man is not ready he is either considered gay or he is busy with another girl outside.

It is fascinating how sex can be a huge thing in a relationship and people do not realize that sex is the main thing that is complicating their relationship. So many people are ready to jump into a women’s dress or pans but they do not know that eating that cookie will cause complications in their relationships. Whether we like it or not to a woman as soon as you have sex with her, you are no longer a boyfriend but a husband.

The world has taught us a different philosophy that I do not understand that sex is just sex. I used to think like that until I started having sex and I realized that sex is a commitment. People view sex as a get in and out thing but once you get in you can’t get out easily because either you or the lady would want more. 

The reason why i placed sex as a last step is because sex is a commitment. Our South African generation is full of the ‘I know, I know’ attitude. Sex has become the leading problem in our country because many young people have children. Men do not learn many girls want marriage and they would do anything to get it even if it means giving you a baby you do not want. There is a reason why your religions say no sex because they know that you might have a kid or be forced to marriage. Sex is not just sex but sex is a connection which is meant for people who are committed.